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JJ's father has become increasingly excessive in his drinking habits since her mum's death. He was an alcoholic when I first got together with JJ so it's probably no surprise. It's now got to the point where he has become a mean drunk who verbally abuses JJ. He came home pissed late on Friday night and tried to bully JJ into sorting out his 60+ free bus pass for him, when she refused because she was going to sleep, he turned nasty. This bloody pass has been a topic of conversation regularly for the past six months, I honestly believe sometimes that he cares more about it then about her.

Yesterday - also drunk - he took any of our stuff that was in the front room and threw it into our bedroom - tantrumming like a child essentially. When JJ asked about it he verbally abused her again. Just like when she doesn't clean up after him, or cook for him, or jump to complete his every command. This man is a sixty year old toddler who has had people running around after him his whole life so he never had to take any responsibility for himself. I think it's gotten to the point where JJ agrees that we cannot be responsible for him anymore. If he wants to destroy himself with alcohol and live a miserable rest of his life, there's not a lot you can do to help an alcoholic who doesn't want to change. Of course we'd be much better off finding our own place to live if I had a job that lasted beyond June and JJ wasn't on an agency, so we're going to have to come up with something. I was reluctant to move in to help look after him in the first place, and now we're in a difficult position in terms of getting another house - especially with the cost of living around London.

Along this same line, JJ is now on the waiting list for therapy for depression which has been getting worse for the past few years - I'm not sure how she feels about it because talking about feelings is not a favoured topic for her, and I am terrible at reading other people's emotions and body language on account of my own disorder. I hope it will be good for her, but I suppose it depends on the therapist and the type of therapy. I don't feel like I really know how to help her - even when her mum died I was more practical than emotionally helpful.

I still face unemployment in June and my colleague on the Step and Connect project has completely fallen apart this week - to the point where a session with a young person ended up being dangerous on account of her disorganisation. She has now told me that she will be semi-regularly "working from home" - which seems nonsensical to me because we are meant to work together which would be quite difficult when we are not in the same building.

On the plus side, I may be starting a new research project with my lecturer (because I need more work on top of my dissertation and research with the National Autistic Society - which I am hoping could be one and the same) so that I can bulk up my research experience and therefore improve my chances of getting a research job where I don't have to deal with people quite so much and can actually have a grown-up full-time job so that I can move JJ and myself away from her dysfunctional family. Another small fun-sized project is JJ is helping me write a book about using Comics to support understanding in autism - I cannot draw at all and I think JJ is enjoying getting to use her illustration skills - so that is a nice bonding type thing we're doing too.

Date: 2017-01-22 02:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] versipellis.livejournal.com
Oh geeeez, I had forgotten/didn't realise you were actually living with her father. That sounds so difficult and I think getting out sounds like absolutely the right thing (particularly if JJ is depressed too).

I hope JJ gets some therapy soon and that it's helpful to her. It's very difficult to know what to do when a loved one is depressed - I often become sad/frustrated that I can't just "fix" things for them.

I hope the research project goes well and I love the idea of a book about comics supporting understanding. Yay for bonding, too!

Date: 2017-01-23 08:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thesoulofchaos.livejournal.com
Thank you. I wish we had never done it now, but at the time it made sense because he was incapable of caring for himself with the grief. Now I think it's time we had a serious look at our finances and decided the next step.

My manager at work has used comics with me (kind of - I explained that sometimes drawings help my comprehension and we drew little comic scenes on a whiteboard) and I figured that it could possibly help other people (and importantly not just children) so it's something fun to do at least.

Date: 2017-01-25 09:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] versipellis.livejournal.com
Sometimes one just makes a decision that later turns out not to be good :( it sounds like you made the best call you could with the information you had. But financial assessment and life planning sound good.

I think that's really cool and interesting so good luck with the project!

Date: 2017-01-22 03:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sabethea.livejournal.com
Urgh, I'm so sorry :( It does sound that if you can get away from the situation, you should. I hope you manage to and that JJ's therapy helps with her depression.

The Comic project sounds amazing, though! (I also cannot draw.)

Date: 2017-01-23 08:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thesoulofchaos.livejournal.com
Thank you - it's probably long overdue but at least we can get a financial plan in place. She has her first session next week (I was quite impressed with the short waiting time given the huge cuts to mental health services - one small positive I guess).

Date: 2017-01-22 05:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sabethea.livejournal.com
Urgh, I'm so sorry :( It does sound that if you can get away from the situation, you should. I hope you manage to and that JJ's therapy helps with her depression.

The Comic project sounds amazing, though! (I also cannot draw.)

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